Randall Caselman

Bella Vista Church of Christ

04/07/2019 P.M.

 

Affair-Proofing Our Marriages

Exodus 20.14 & Matthew 5.27-28

 

If you saw an off-ramp sign on the Interstate that said… Wrong Way… Do Not Enterhow would we react; Heed it… or… resent it?

 

I gotta tell you folk… The Ten Commandments were not given to spoil life or cause us pain.

 

These principles are here for our good… God is saying… PLAY BY HEAVEN’S RULES AND YOU WILL ALWAYS WIN!

 

The seventh rule… This seventh principle says… Do not commit adultery.

 

In the past… Many… Maybe all of us… Have been guilty of some kind of sexual impropriety... Physically... Mentally... Emotionally... We have not always been what God wanted us to be.

 

We’ve allowed out thoughts and emotions…

• To take us where we should not go…

• To see some things we should not have seen…

• To do some things we should not have done.

Jesus tells us that such ADULTEROUS thoughts and behavior are a sin in God’s eyes.

 

However… Here is the good news… Sin… Any sin… can be forgiven… Hold to this thought!... any sin can be forgiven!

 

Listen to me church… Sins acknowledged... Repented of... And left before the throne of God... Are forgiven by God... And their guilt should be forgotten and never brought to mind again.

 

Then…Know this that… Any guilt you have is not from God… But from Satan!

 

We gave some statistics this morning that went like this...

• 60 plus percent of American Men and over 50% of American Women acknowledge that they have been unfaithful to their spouse.

•74% of men surveyed said they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught... 68% of the women surveyed agreed to such a behavior.

 

Think about what this could mean within the one hundred plus here tonight… Not a comfortable thought is it?

 

So this morning...

We examined how to best keep God’s seventh Sinai Principle…

Do not commit adultery.

Tonight… Some practical ways to affair-proof our marriages.

 

Before we go any further… Let me say this… Not one of us in this audience is exempt from this lesson.

 

Sometimes in the past… When I’ve preached on the home or family relations… People come up to me saying.., Well… That sermon was not for me… It’s too late.

Ha…

• As long as we are alive…

• As long as we can love and hate…

• As long as we can still dream and plan…

• As long as we can still fantasize...

 

Then two things are still possible...

• According to Jesus... We can commit either mental murder by hate or Mental adultery by lust.

• Or we still have the potential to improve our marriages.

We must stop trying to excuse ourselves from such lessons.

 

Come let’s see what we can learn about Making our Marriages Better…

Or Ways to Affair-proof them...

 

First… Make a commitment to live by God’s standards.

Start today… Regardless of past mistakes and failures.

 

Make a commitment today… March, April 7th, 2019… To live by God’s Word relating to our sexual standards.

 

And know this… Since the beginning… God’s standard has…  never… Never changed.

 

This is an eternal principle… God’s law for sexual relations is in marriage ONLY…

• Not before marriage…

• Not outside of marriage...

• It’s not a gay or lesbian situation…

• It’s… One man… One woman… The same man or woman… In our heart… In our arms… And in our bed.

Any other arrangement is outside of God’s Divine pattern… And always has been.

 

Adultery is always wrong… Regardless of who we are or our...

• Inborn genetics…

• Environment…

• Or the problems we may have encountered growing up…

God says… Control your lust.

 

This includes both heterosexual and homosexuality urges.

• True… Some may have a tendency toward homosexuality... Then control it.

• Some have a real weakness toward those of the opposite sex… We must control our urges.

God has equipped each of us with a mind and a will… With which we can determine and direct our own daily lifestyle.

 

We can do it!!… I believe… Joseph had every reason to give in to Potiphar’s wife…

• He was young… Single

• He was sexually healthy…

• He was in a foreign country… No one would ever know…

• It is an acceptable practice in this culture…

• She wants him… More than likely Joseph was attracted to her… I don’t think she was an ugly hag.

• His mother died when He was only a boy…

• His father was overindulgent.

• His brothers mistreated him...

• He had a terrible family life.

• He was lonely…

• Right then… He needed somebody to love him… And meet his needs.

And Potiphar’s Wife was the one… But instead of giving in… Joseph exercised his will sayingI will not sin against God.

 

Joseph had made a commitment to live by God’s standards relating to sex… And so must we… And so must we.

 

Secondly… Wemust understand the consequences of sin.

Some think it is glamorous and exciting to be involved in an affair… It’s not!!

• What it really is… Is this… The number one cause of divorce among Christians.

• Because of it…Children are left without the benefit of a home with mother and father.

• Murder or other civil violence often results because of martial unfaithfulness.

• Guilt drives some divorcees to permanent unhappiness…

• Souls are eternally lost.

On and on we could go!

 

The Bible maintains in Proverbs 6 that… A man who commits adultery lacks judgment… Whoever does so destroys himself.

 

Adultery leaves permanent scars... Wounds that never heal… On us and our children… God says for generations to come.

 

How many do you suppose we could name tonight…

• That have sold their families…

• Their health…

• Their reputation…

• Their salvation…

For a few moments of illicit pleasure.

 

Here it is church… Adultery is never worth the price!

 

We affair-proof our marriages by strengthening and protecting them.

Nothing inhibits the attractiveness… And reduces the pull… Of sexual immorality any more than a growing healthy marriage.

 

The more… I like… Love… And enjoy… Being with Georgia… The less likely I am of having an affair… Either… physically… Mentally… Or emotionally

 

By meeting one another’s needs.

I Corinthians 7.3 says… The husband should fulfill his martial duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband.

 

Our marriages will never be strengthened unless we learn to meet one another needs…And I am not just talking about sexual needs.

 

Don’t tell me you are too old to meet one another’s needs.

 

Years ago… Georgia and I were asked to speak in a lectureship on… What Most Men Want From Their Wives and What Most Women Want From Their Husbands.

 

As we studied together… I found out that what I thought a woman needed… Wanted… was not what she needed  or wanted… at all.

 

Dr.Willard Harley in his bookHis Needs—Her needs lists five of the most basic needs of men… Then five most basic needs of Women... These may surprise you...

Here they are for MEN…

• Sexual fulfillment… This is no surprise if you’ve been married for more than ten minutes.

• Recreational companionship?... Simply someone to do things with. Listen… Some of you ladies need to learn to… Fish…Hunt… Or enjoy watching football.

• Men appreciate an attractive spouse…

• Number four… They want domestic support…

• Five… Admiration from their wives.

 

here’s the list for the WOMEN…

• Affection… Not sex… Just affection… I hope you have learned the difference… If you haven’t… You need too.

• Conversation… Women have a deep need to tell everything that happened today… She wants to share her day with us.

Fellows… Some of us need to learn to...Listen!.... Listen!... Listen!…

• She wants Honesty and Transparency from her husband…

• She needs financial support and security…

• Number five…  She needs a family commitment from you.

 

Church… If we are going to strengthen our marriages… We must understand that these lists have little or no similarities.

• Her needs are not his needs.

• His needs are not her needs.

 

Intimacy... A continual intimacy is nurturing one another’s needs… NOT JUST FULFILLING OUR OWN… OR FULFILLING WHAT WE PERCEIVE HIS OR HER needs to be.

 

We affair-proof our marriages by… Becoming Best Friends.

It’s easy to leave a lover... It’s tough to leave a best friend.

 

Let me give you five quick ways to become best friends with your spouse… TIME… TIME… TIME… TIME… TIME

 

Friendship is impossible unless we are willing to spend TIME with them.

 

We seldom share intimate conversation with someone we don’t spend TIME with.

 

We strengthen our marriage by managing our mind.

We learned this morning that sexual unfaithfulness has its beginning up here… In the mind… In our thoughts!

 

People don’t just fall into immorality… They think themselves into it.

There is no such thing as a one-night-stand.

 

We are not… Moral… Straight… Upright…Godly people today… And tomorrow fall into immorality… It doesn’t happen that way.

 

Randall… Are you sure?... Yes…. Read James 1.14. But each one is tempted... When... when?... When by our own evil desire… We are dragged away and enticed.

 

Gotta tell you... Sin… All sin… Has its beginning in the mind… In the heart.

The battleground for any temptation is in the mind.

Protect the mind… And we protect the soul.

Let the mind dwell on immorality… And we will ultimately act out our desires.

What we think about we will eventually feel... What we feel… We will eventually act upon

 

Church… This is the reason we ought to stay away from R-rated movies… Videos and pornographic web sites… We become what we think about.

 

Sometimes that means turning off… The TV… COMPUTER!!... Cell phone!!

 

This is the reason Paul wrote to us saying… Whatever is true… Whatever is noble… Whatever is right whatever is pure… Whatever is lovely… Whatever is admirable… If anything is excellent or praiseworthy… Think about such things.

 

Indeed!!… Marriages are strengthened by each spouse controlling his or her thoughts.

 

Never become emotionally involved with the opposite sex.

Here’s the advice… Never look to another… Other than your spouse… For emotional… Support…Comfort… Understanding… or Sympathy.

 

When we find ourselves looking to someone of the opposite sex other than our spouse for these deep human needs… We become involved in Emotional Adultery.

 

What a dangerous place to be… Emotional adultery can quickly move into physical.

 

Several years ago in a counseling session… I had a Christian lady tell me about her very unhappy marriage. She went on to say she had found someone… A man who met her emotional needs. She said… He was... loving… Caring… Understanding… Kind… Gentle… Supportive… Sympathetic… All those things she had never found at home… Never found in her husband. She said... He has never touched me. But if he does… I’m a goner.

 

We must never go there... Never place ourselves in this vulnerable position… Because it’s one step away from Adultery.

 

resist the physical touch.

Don’t cross this line in private… Once physical contact is made in holding hands… kissing…passionate hugging… etc… It’s almost impossible to stop the progression into the full blown affair.

 

Paul put it so well to the Roman church... Be wise about what is good… And innocent about what is evil... That’s Romans 16.19… Go home and read it!

 

If you find yourself in this state… Do what Joseph did… RUN!!

 

Never try to rationalize sexual sins.

Jeremiah 17.9 says… The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

 

We are pros at deceiving ourselves... Listen to these rationalizations…

• If my husband (or wife) met my needs… I wouldn’t be doing this…

• Just one more time… Then we’ll stop for good…

• But… We love each other…

• How many times have you heard this???... God wants us to be happy…

• God will forgive us…

• God loves us no matter what we do.

All of these statements may be true... But isn’t it arrogant to presume on the Grace of God… And go on sinning anyway?

 

Will God forgive sin that we willfully continue without remorse… Without any effort on our part to stop?... We must Be careful here.

 

Paul teaches that we must never use God’s grace as a license to sin.

 

We must close… But here are some things I want to mention before we quit…

 

Never listen to a member of the opposite sex tell of his or her martial problems.

The temptation is to begin to think or say… Well… I would never treat you that way.

Then there is a pull in your heart to fix it… WRONG!!... Don’t you try this!!

Direct them to a good marriage counselor…They are trained to deal with such… And even they often fall into this trap.

 

Don’t go fishing for compliments.

You may be married to a man who didn’t notice that two weeks ago you dyed your hair green and purple… But don’t search for another man to notice.

We must not look to fulfill our needs outside of our own marriage partner… Any need!!

 

Watch what you say.

Be careful… Communication takes two… What you say… And what he or she hears may be two different things.

Don’t give signals that are open ended…

Don’t flirt with… words!!... Cute Phrases.. Or the wink of an eye!

 

Be aware of electricity.

Ever been in a crowd and all of a sudden you catch someone’s eye… Or rub shoulders… Or touch their hand… And there is something there and you know it?

Two things we can do… Either move into it… OR… We can pull back.

We had better make the right choice here… Or our marriage is in trouble.

 

Avoid the long stare.

How long can you catch someone’s eye and hold it?

It may be a fun game for singles… But is not for married people.

 

Avoid the lingering touch.

What goes for the eyes goes for the hands.

 

Church…If we really want to affair-proof our marriages…

We must get serious about stopping some of these things we’ve talked about today.

 

Jesus goes on to say… Take whatever drastic measures that need to be taken to MaintainOur Moral Integrity… Our Sexual Purity.

 

Tonight… Our challenge encompasses two Scriptures…

 

Ephesians 5.3 says…But among you… But among you… There must not be even a hint of sexual immorality… Or of any kind of impurity… Or of greed… Because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Not even a hint of sexual immorality.

 

Hebrews 13.4… Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 

May God help us be the people He has called us to be… Amen?

 

Tonight… God’s invitation is for us to become His child by… Faith… Repentance…Confession… and New Testament Baptism.

 

If… As a Christian… We have sins to acknowledge to God tonight… Let’s do so… Asking His forgiveness… He will… He has promised.

 

If you need the prayers of the church to strengthen your marriage… This invitation is also for you… As we stand and sing together.